Calamity Jane in Bangkok

Day Eleven: 24 February

2008-02-24T22:00:00.000+07:00

We had a lazy day today while Paul Dreamer caught up on his beauty sleep. At lunchtime Laurie sent him down for street food so that it could get magically clean in the lift on the way upstairs. I am very glad that she figured out that this works, because it was really good duck, roasted in a barbecue glaze.

It's no secret that while restaurant food is terrific here, the food that is prepared on the streets by hawkers whose income depends upon how well they can make one particular dish is amongst the
best to be had anywhere, from fried bananas to fish grilled in salt.

People in Bangkok eat a lot of food this way, and will have several small meals a day from their favourite stalls. This starts at a young age - a few days ago Laurie and I passed a girl's primary school at the end of the day. After a wai to the headteacher at the gates, hands together held to forehead, they ran outside to one of half a dozen hawkers who make after-school snack food, like popsicles and tiny little crepes.

Paul Dreamer just loves street food. He eats ice kacang with his grandkids who don't realise how lucky they are to have been introduced to this dish, which is a sort of southeast Asian snowcone. Originally consisting of shaved ice and red beans, ice kacang has evolved so that you can choose all sorts of weird toppings for the ice, from corn to bright pink dyed water chesnuts, over the top of which is poured evaporated milk. I can't imagine anything more disgusting, but I must be wrong because ice kacang is one of the most popular of all dishes in this part of the world, and these people really know how to eat.

Paul's retirement plan is to become a street hawker selling green papaya salad, which he learned how to make at the Oriental Hotel cooking school over his Christmas holiday. He has stiff competition here though, because there are a lot of green papaya salad experts in Bangkok, like this fellow here. But it will keep him busy and Laurie says that the profits from his green papaya salad stall will be funnelled into an offshore fund for the grandkid's college education.

I hope that the people of Bangkok never grow tired street food, and that no matter how politely Ronald MacDonald wais you, you will never ever consider eating American fast food when you are in Bangkok.

Day Ten: 23 February

2008-02-23T22:00:00.010+07:00

I seem to recall that I pledged to boycott supermarkets a few days ago but that was before my 'Big C' experience this morning. Big C is just like K-Mart or Harris Teeter, except that there is a foot massage service next to check-out, and in aisle 32, you can get supplies for your house shrine and the local monks:

I recommend a trip to Big C for anyone visiting Bangkok, because it really helps you figure out what is going on around here. All the staff and even the other shoppers were so startled to see us there, that they bent over backwards to make our shopping experience enjoyable. It is also very reassuring for Laurie to discover that she can have all the comforts of home here in well, her new home. There are some good things about globalisation!

Of course, there are a few ways in which Big C differs from your average American superstore. For one thing, you can cook your own pork balls next to the meat counter. We did this and brought them home for Paul to have for lunch when he got in from Singapore this afternoon. And they were great! Also, they have purple rice in the produce section:

And I am sure that all the carry-out food is good, if you could only figure out what the heck it is:

All in all though, Big C is just like any other superstore in the world, and has even succumbed to the imperialist domination of sushi. You know, sushi is ok, but really it is not good enough to explain why every supermarket - on every continent and in every city, even Knoxville - has a sushi counter. No one even likes it that much, we just pretend to because it is low calorie and makes us seem less provincial. Somewhere out in space, there is a sinister extra-terrestrial mastermind, who is putting some kind of drug in supermarket sushi and at a pre-ordained moment, we are all going to become zombies.

We got home and managed to put away the groceries just before Paul arrived. This evening we ate on the terrace at the Arun Residence hotel and restaurant (http://www.arunresidence.com/main.htm). Great Thai and Italian food and a funky place to stay with a fantastic bar up a rickety staircase, with the best view of Wat Arun in town.

Day Nine: 22 February

2008-02-22T22:00:00.006+07:00

Well, today was my last day here in Bangkok, so Laurie and I decided to wander across the river to check out a local temple, Wat Yannawa, which has an early 19th century Bot built under Rama III as a tribute to the sailboats that had made Thailand rich, at a time when steam was replacing sail. In a position along the river, the Bot takes the form of a boat. You enter through the stern and walk up a series of steps to a shrine in the wheelhouse and there are giant eyes painted on the bow to ward off evil spirits.

This is my kind of temple! When I get back to London I will definitely put eyes on the bow of Calamity Jane, and then with any luck it will be easier to find that missing part for my gear box. Incidentally, the temple also has a great view of Paul and Laurie's apartment building. There was a school trip in progress while we were there, and a kindly monk was showing a class of five or six-year-olds around the temple. They were having a great time, and Laurie and I were one of the highlights of their tour.

Wat Yawanna turns out to be the Wat that is frequented by well-to-do people, sort of the St George's Episcopal Church of Bangkok. And our visit coincided with the elaborate funeral of the matriarch of a wealthy Chinese coconut farm family on the outskirts of the city. Like all southern women of our age, Laurie and I really appreciate a good funeral and this one did not disappoint. I should explain that in this part of the world, funerals are like big weddings, and go on for days with a lot of different parties and ceremonies that are intended to celebrate the fact that the deceased has passed on to a better place. Because this was a Chinese affair, it was additionally possible to ensure that the departed would be comfortable, by constructing models of everything she could possibly need, that are then burned so that consumer goods will go with her to the other side.

I do not know this lady's name but I do know that she was much loved by her family because on display in Wot Yannawa's parish hall was the most spectacular model of the house she is going to live in now that she is no longer with us. The fountain in the front yard really works and everything!

In the back, there is nice patio furniture and a speedboat:

And mama is getting satellite tv! True Satellite is the same system that the Dreamers use. Laurie says she knew the reception was good, but she had no idea they could broadcast to heaven!:

We went upstairs to the hall where the big ceremony is being held before the pyre is lit. Hundreds of families had sent flower arrangements that were lining both sides of the hall. Paul Dreamer and I are descended from florists who moved to Nashville in the 19th century, but if they had come here they could have cleaned up. Flowers are clearly big business in Bangkok!

At the front of the hall there was seated a lady about our age, who turned out to be the daughter of the late matriarch, who was folding hand towels that were going to be funeral party favours for the monks at the temple. We gave our condolences/congratulations and she was happy for us to look around and oo and ah at everything. She also explained that the final ceremony is to take place on Sunday at 5pm, and that the family was hoping for a big turn out.

You know, middle-aged women all understand each other because, world over, we all have the same things on our minds: doing the best for our parents, wondering what on earth is going to become of our children, and resigning ourselves to the fact that most heterosexual men our age have the same emotional intelligence levels that they had when we first met them as adolescents.

We tore ourselves away and went to spend an afternoon at the Oriental Hotel - which is where we have assured our respective mothers that we have been for the past week - in order to collect evidence to make that story more convincing. I have learned after several decades away from home that this is the kindest thing to do. So, first we had refreshing drinks on the terrace, followed by manicures and shoulder massage. Then we had the Thai set tea in the Author's Room, which is very glamorous. I think that the pictures prove conclusively that we are southern ladies at heart!

After that we caught a taxi so that I could go home and finish packing in time for the car, that was due to arrive at 9pm to take me to the airport (the flight leaves really late so that you get into London first thing in the morning). While we were stuck in traffic, Paul called from Singapore to say that his meetings were going on longer than expected and that, while he could come to Bangkok for about 24 hours tomorrow, he would still be shuttling around southeast Asia next week.

We thought about that for a few minutes and then Laurie said, 'Well, it would be a shame to miss a good funeral, cousin Harriet.' So, change of plan! I changed the flight, and we spent the evening eating leftover curry from Dairy Queen and watching Bollywood films on the sofa.

Day Eight: 21 February

2008-02-21T22:38:00.016+07:00

Today was the February full moon, the festival of Maha Puja in Thailand, which commemorates the day that, completely on the spur of the moment, 1250 or so disciples of the Buddha came to hear him preach. Traditionally, Thai Buddhists go to the temple and light candles to make merit today. Because the full moon it is also one of the dates when Chinese people go to the temple, we decided it would be a good day check out as many temples as possible. We focused on Chinatown, and weren't disappointed.

We caught a boat to Tha Ratchavongse pier (no. 5), walked down Th. Ratchawong and turned left on Th. Anuwong. A few yards along we turned right down the little Soi Krai. It wanders around, but if you keep going further you come to Wat Ga Buang Kim, a little neighbourhood Chinese temple decorated on the outside with scenes from Chinese Opera, and with an opera stage opposite. Worshippers were burning paper money for their ancestors and leaving offerings, with locals of all ages coming and going, mostly on motor scooters, as you can see.

Returning to Th. Anuwong we continued, turning right on the soi leading to Wat Chakkrawat, which is a Thai temple. The locals there were preparing for Maha Puja, setting out bundles of candles and incense, and we were enthusiastically shown around the Bot by a lady from their equivalent of the Temple's altar guild, who couldn't have been more hospitable. She showed us every single little detail of the Bot and its wall paintings.

The Wat also has a crocodile pond. The first crocodile was fished out of the river and given its own pool in the temple to stop it eating local swimmers, and its descendents have become a feature of the place.

This strikes me as the biggest difference I have encountered between Thai culture and where I come from. I can't imagine trapping a man-eating bear or a rattlesnake or whatever and then giving it and its descendents for all eternity a special enclosure and free food at the First Presbyterian Church. Even Quakers wouldn't come up with that idea. However, I can recall my son Bobby telling me when he was around seven years old that if we could find a snake-handling church that he would be happy to go every Sunday, so I suppose it is possible that the crocodiles are a ploy to get little boys to go to the temple.

By the way, there is also shabby grotto at the back of Wat Chakkrawatthat has Buddha’s real shadow painted on it and a statue of a fat man who is said to have been so handsome that he had to gorge himself in order to get away from his female admirers. Yeah, right.

We then headed deeper into Chinatown, returning to Th. Anuwong and turning left up Th. Mahachak, crossing over the crazy crowded Sampeng Lane which used to be famous for opium dens but which is now famous for cheap shoes, then crossing over Th. Yaowarat and then turning right on Th. Charoen Krung until we came to the big tiered gateway to Wat Mangon Kamalawat (the ‘Dragon Flower Temple’). This important Mahayana Buddist temple is a completely different experience to the typical Thai Wat, always busy, but especially crowded today with worshippers coming to remember their ancestors by leaving offerings of oranges and paper money. The air is thick with incense and once through the second courtyard and inside the temple through a gateway with ceramic dragons overhead, it is hard to breathe but mesmerizing with monks and worshippers and larger than life statues of bearded wise men looking down on the confusion below.

Leaving the temple through the smaller exit on the western side, we returned to Th. Charoen Krung, walking westwards and then turning right on Th. Ratchawon until we turned left into Th. Yaowarat. On the opposite side of the street just a few doors down is the Shangri La restaurant, with cakes for sale outside, and a few tables downstairs, and bigger family seating (including private rooms) upstairs. We had fantastic dim sum there and a chance to recover from Chinatown madness. Laurie was really happy to find a good dim sum restaurant because in the Dreamer family, instead of going to a temple, you make merit by eating dim sum.

Leaving Shangri-La, we continued down Th. Yaowarat, and turned right down Soi Itsaranuphap, which is filled with food hawkers and shops selling dried shrimps and other delicacies. There is a market, Kao Talat, to explore here, and, on the corner of Soi Wanit 1, the little Chao Kuan Oo Taoist sanctuary. You need to do this, if you are here in Bangkok on a full moon day. Outside the entrance, line up and buy a plate of turnip greens (at least they look like turnip greens), and a bundle of incense. Take off your shoes and squeeze your way into the temple. On the right you will see the life-sized golden statue of a smiling horse and a monk who accepts your plate of turnip greens on his behalf and rings the bell around the horse's neck too signify his pleasure. I didn't get a picture of this but I swear it is true: it's the Mr Ed Temple.

We then continued down the Soi and turned left down Sampeng Lane. At the end of the street we walked a few metres down Th. Songwat, turned left up Th. Trimit, and crossed over the big intersection with the Chinese arch, and along Th. Traimit to the entrance to the Wat Traimit, where Maha Puja celebrations were in progress. No sign of people walking around the temple, but they were placing candles before small Buddhas placed in front of the temple under a tent.

This is the golden Buddha temple, known for its solid gold 13^th century Buddha, at 10 feet tall the largest of its kind in the world. When it was brought to Bangkok by Rama III it was encased in stucco and no one knew what lay underneath until in 1955 it was knocked by accident revealing the gold statue underneath. A lot of plaster Buddhas were destroyed in the national scramble to find other golden Buddhas after this astonishing event! Inside the temple, we sat and watched as visitors came to receive a blessing and a friendship bracelet from the monk inside.

Leaving the temple, we continued walking down Th. Traimit, past the Hua Lamphong train station to the MRT station at Hua Lamphong. We went straight from there two stops to Silom, for a well deserved foot massage at Ruen-Nuad! We took a taxi back to the flat and ate out at D-River (Dairy Queen) again, at a table on the river – a lot of spicy dishes this time including a Balsam Apple salad, that was actually bitter melon and shrimp, an eggplant salad, a green chicken curry with roti, a red curry with prawns and pad thai noodles.

Day Seven: 20 February

2008-02-20T15:10:00.000+07:00

This morning we headed by taxi to Wat Prayoon, on the Thonburi side of the Memorial Bridge, worth visiting because it has a strange cemetery rock garden in the form of an island with a moat filled with turtles. If you need to accrue merit for your next life you can buy food to feed the turtles on the ends of sticks. I don't know what this fellow has done, but it is all okay now that he has fed those turtles.

We walked around looking at the attractive shrines that have been built, inlaid with photographs of the relevant dead person. Laurie thought it was kind of creepy, but I thought it was fine.

Actually, since mom and dad can’t agree on which part of Mt Olivet Cemetery in Nashville to be buried in, I could always offer the turtle island at Wat Prayoon as an alternative. I think that with a little imagination, this could be a big success, and the great grandchildren would love the whole turtle thing. Alternatively, we could start an Episcopalian turtle cemetary island back in Tennessee.

Curiously, it appears to be theologically possible to put cats in the cemetery at Wat Prayoon. I think that is a great idea because a lot of people, myself included, would prefer to spend eternity next to their pets. But I am unsure whether even Anglican theology can stretch that far, so we might need to have a separate cat shrine back in Nashville. Of course, in that case, you could have mice instead of turtles, and skip the water which cats don't like (especially my cats, who are forever having mishaps and falling into the Thames and having to go to the vet). I am sure that cats would greatly prefer this arrangement because they don't care about us anyway.

We travelled by tuk tuk across the bridge and went back to the flower and vegetable market, because it is just such a great place and impossible to get tired of. This is the way God meant for us all to shop for food and I am going to start boycotting supermarkets.

From the market we walked along Th. Mahathat and stopped at River Books, which is a Bangkok Press that publishes a great list of titles on Southeast Asia, and then at Chakrobongsa Villas so that I could have a look and meet the manager, Atom, who got us another tuk tuk to the Nittaya Curry Shop, which is considered to have Thailand’s best curry paste that you can buy in sealed plastic pots. It is located on Th. Chakkaphong, near Khao San Road, which is where Leonardo Di Caprio hangs out when he is in Bangkok. If you can’t find it ask directions because all Thais seem to know where it is. There is a lot besides curry paste there – sweets, teas, crisps made from pumpkin or durian, nuts, sweets – all of very high quality and inexpensive. While we were there two women came in to shop who we think were from the royal household, in mourning for the sister of the King. I bought a lot of curry paste for myself and friends, but most of all for Bobby, who is really into cooking curry at the moment. We headed back towards Chinatown in a taxi, but were so weighed down that although we stopped briefly at Wat Ratchaburana, we decided to get back to the flat, dropping by the flower market again to pick up some more orchids on the way. You can't have too many orchids, although Laurie is really putting that well known proverb to the test!

For dinner, we went to Ruen Malika, a Thai restaurant in a rambling old teak house with a pretty garden, located at 189 Sukhumvi (02-663-3211/2): from Sukhumvit Rd go about a kilometre down Soi 22 and turn right just before the second 7-11 Store. It is a couple of hundred metres on the right. Worth knowing how to get there because it is such a good place. We had steamed spare ribs, soft shelled crabs and a crabmeat omelette, all of which was delicious. But Nicholas is going to reprimand me because he says that you should always get the flower tempura when you come here, which is the signature dish.

Day Six: 19 February

2008-02-19T22:00:00.009+07:00

We set out early this morning, at 9am, and went to a really interesting lecture on Cambodian textiles at the Siam Society. The speaker was Gillian Green, an Australian scholar who has written extensively on the subject, which is a respectable academic cover for a life spent travelling around southeast Asia. Why didn’t I think of that?

We explored the small Lana house museum attached to the Society, and then set out to find the Bangkok Doll Factory, which isn't a very easy place to find. Start out by walking north up Th. Ratchaprarop past the Baiyoke Tower, over the railway tracks under Skytrain extension. Once under the overpass at the intersection with Th. Sri Ayutthaya, cross over to the northeastern side and walk a few yards down Th. Sri Ayutthaya and turn left on Soi Ratchataphan. Follow the soi around to the left and bear left when it splits and then look for ramshackle sign to turn right down a branch of the soi with a lot of little sweatshops where all your clothes at Target and/or Primark are made by young children. But don't worry because they looked really happy! Laurie says this isn’t for the faint-hearted and she will sent her future guests by taxi.

Anyway, the doll factory is great. There is a ‘museum’ of dolls from around the world and a shop/showroom with stock ranging from handpuppets to angels for your Christmas tree. Bangkok Dolls also produces full blown tableaus of Khon dancers performing the Thai version of the Ramayana, which would be a striking addition to any living room. Laurie promised me that she is going to think about it. We were able to visit the room in the back where the dolls are made, too.

It was just a short taxi ride to the Suan Pakkad Palace, the collection of Thai houses that was formerly the residence of Prince Chumbhot and his lovely wife. Tours are guided and it is worth a visit specifically to see the laquer library that was moved there in 1958 from Ayutthaya. It is just like the one at Wat Rakhang, so go here if you can't get in to see that one – and they let you spend as long as you like examining the black and gold laquer murals inside.

We went by taxi to Erawan Tea Room again, because we wanted to sample their high tea. Fantastic deal – for 200 baht per person, you get an assortment of little savoury and sweet dishes (including a hot melting coconut ‘egg’ pastry that is one of the best things I have ever tasted) with tea or coffee, and they have the Herald Tribune and the Wall Street Journal.

This was so nice that we decided to round it off with a foot massage at Ruen Nuad Massage Studio, off of Soi Convent. This is one of Nicholas’s recommendations again, and it was superb. Thank you, Nicholas! I would go here all the time if I lived in Bangkok! Very peaceful veranda space with lemongrass tea and wind chimes.Laurie and I sat side by side in comfortable armchairs while our feet were pummelled into blissful submission.

From the sublime back into the ridiculous, we walked up to the night bazarr in Lumphini Park. This is due to close soon, but for the time being is an alternative to Chatuchak. We had a drink and went to the Joe Louis Puppet Theatre for the very enjoyable evening performace. The puppets were developed in the early twentieth century, based on traditional Thai puppet forms and the stories are based on the Khon masked drama dances. Each puppet is worked by three Khon dancers dressed in black, and the performance takes about an hour, after standing up to the national anthem and to pay respects to the late Princess, the King's sister, for whom we are all still in mourning. Afterwards we escaped the dodgy taxis in the night bazarr and got home by subway, Skytrain and taxi.

Day Five: 18 February

2008-02-18T22:00:00.015+07:00

It is Monday, which is yellow shirt day in Thailand, which means that we all need to wear yellow shirts, in order to make a sort of united prayer for the King's health because he was born on a Monday. Long live the King!

So, in my yellow shirt, I went to the Jim Thompson house while Laurie was at the bank. The JT house is a wonderful place, as you would expect from a man with such great taste. Everyone would aspire to live in this cluster of interconnected Thai houses surrounded by tropical gardens with urns of water lilies and goldfish.

I then met Laurie at the Erawan Tea Room overlooking the Erawan Shrine. The view of the shrine is limited, but the tea room is a real find, another one of Nicholas Song's excellent recommendations. We had barbecued pork skewers and fluffy catfish and mango salad for lunch, and bought teas, jams, and other delicacies there, all of which are delicious. It is essential to go to the Erawan tea room when you are visiting the Shrine. Like balancing hot and cold, or sweet and sour, the shrine and the tea room form a sort of cosmic balance to one another: weird and sublime.

The shrine was built out of desperation on the construction site of the Erawan hotel and shopping centre, because things had been going wrong, and angry spirits were clearly to blame. They were mollified by the shrine, however, and now everything that happens in the hotel and shopping centre is perfect, as evidenced by the Erawan Tea Room. This is why the good citizens of Krung Thep ('City of Angels' -- the real name for Bangkok) come here to make offerings, and indeed why Thais from all over the world ask for good fortune here.

If you forget to bring something to offer the spirits, you can buy a cage of sparrows:

Be prepared though, when you release the sparrows, they are trained to fly back to their cages so that they can be used over and over again.

I don't know what's been going on at the Taiko Supermarket in Canada, but with all of these elephant offerings, I am sure that everything is going to be okay now!:

If you are really in big trouble, you can pay for up to eight dancers to entertain the spirits who will then in theory pay attention to your problem and fix it. This group of young people, for example, had clearly had a party while their parents were out of town and were hoping that the dancers could fix it with the spirits so that they won't be grounded for the rest of their lives:

This ploy is not going to work, however, because Thai mothers are every bit as smart as their counterparts from Tennessee. So, don't have a party at your parents' house when they are out of town, no matter what part of the planet you are living on!!

We took a short stroll up Th. Ratchaprarop to Narayana Phand, which is a Government-run crafts store (about to move to a different location). This is arguably a better place to buy Thai crafts and souvenirs than Chatuchak because it is calm, air conditioned, empty of other people, and the crafts are reliable and priced fairly. We also saw a much wider range of things, from laquer to textiles, and a lot of Thai-inspired clothes there.

After taking a taxi home in time to meet Dang, Laurie’s world famous interior designer, we went out to eat at Blue Elephant, the Bangkok branch of the London Thai restaurant chain. It is located in a big colonial style house and exactly what you would expect from Blue Elephant. Of the dishes we tried, our favourite (mmmm) was foi gras in a tamarind sauce with a sort of minted pea puree. The highlight of our evening there was when the toddler belonging to the German couple at the next table, who was clearly tired and running around with no discipline at all, threw a napkin onto my plate, and I got a chance to use my German on them. It is amazing how much vocabulary comes back at moments when you really need it!

Day Four: 17 February

2008-02-17T22:00:00.006+07:00

After seeing Paul off to the airport to share his exciting news with his colleagues in Beijing, Laurie and I returned to Chatuchak, tackling a different side of the market. In one section you can buy many endangered species at bargain prices! I was tempted, but the customs authorities in the UK are really conservative about that sort of thing and so with regret, I had to resist the urge.

In the afternoon, we took the express boat up to pier no.12 and walked to the Royal Barge Museum, which is down Soi Wat Dusitaram. On the way there, Laurie was able to show me the new home that Paul wants to buy once the flat is filled with ancient temple relics. She isn't sure about it, but her interior decorator, Dang, is a real genius!

It would be great to live in such a charming unspoilt neighbourhood, particularly if you are a pesky spirit. The whole area is crammed with spirit houses of the most desirable kind. We passed an ‘ancient boat house’, also a temple and a mosque, before reaching Khlong Bangkok Noi, the canal on which the museum is built.

Bangkok is known for its fleet of royal barges, which are only brought out on special occasions. They were last used in the autumn, for the King's 80th birthday celebrations. That must have been quite something, because these boats are big, many of them needing more than sixty rowers using paddles similar to those used in Chinese dragonboats. We need to get one of these boats over to London for the great river race on the Thames next September. Alternatively, my friend Sue King could cover the boat we row in with gold leaf and make us all wear silk. I wouldn't put it past her, that is the kind of enthusiastic boater she is!

We stopped to buy more weird fruit on the street, some of which we didn’t recognise but I had the seller cut some for me to try, and it turned out to be gandaria, which the Thais call ma praang. The fruit looks and tastes like a small mango, and is sold in a bunch, like bananas. It is more common in Malaysia and Indonesia, and is little known outside the region, but tastes great with low fat vanilla yogurt. I bought enough so that we can eat nothing but gandaria for the rest of the trip, which Laurie is thrilled about.

We hailed a taxi to Wat Rakhang, the temple of bells, hoping to catch the monks ringing the bells at 6pm. That didn’t work because it looked as if the big bells are being restored, but worth trying later. The temple itself has a hypnotic atmosphere, largely because of the hundreds of small bells hanging around the bot and in the grounds. A lot of interesting action here, a good place just to sit and watch Thai temple life. The most interesting building by far is the small laquered red library that was once home to Rama I.

The streets surrounding Wat Rakhang are interesting; the Patravardi theatre is a few yards upriver, and is where cool, alternative young Thai actors hang out and you can go and see unbelievably bad fringe theatre according to my friend, and the world's leading authority on everything that is worth doing in life, Nicholas Song. The pier here has a ferry that crosses to pier no.9. We really enjoyed waiting for the ferry as the sun was beginning to set, as there was a lot of Thai life going on. People were throwing bread into the water, which was live with catfish.I took pictures of two boys diving off the river steps next to the pier for mussels, which they were collecting on the stern instructions of their grandma, who was instructing them from the embankment.

This is what the commute home from work in Bangkok is like:

We got home, changed, and came out again by boat, stopping at the Oriental for a drink and then we went out for dinner around the corner at Tongue Thai – good Thai-fusion food, with steamed seabass and a spicy pomelo salad. We had sticky rice and mango for the third night in a row. This is the national signature dish, and so far as I can see, the main reason Laurie agreed to come and live here. I expect that sticky rice and gandaria would be just as good.

Day Three: 16 February

2008-02-16T22:00:00.003+07:00

Laurie and I got up and went to Chatuchak weekend market, which is the size of Knoxville, Tennessee, but thankfully, much more attractive. I am so proud to come from Nashville, which has played a critical role in spreading civilisation around the world, a well-known fact that was clearly in evidence at Chatuchak this morning.

Laurie has found a whole section of the market that is devoted to helping to give a good home to valuable relics from underprivileged parts of southeast Asia. This morning for example, she bought what is left of a whole Burmese temple, and we brought it home in a taxi. It still has termites, but she is generously going to put it in her living room anyway. Paul and Laurie are devoted to good works like this, and when they run out of space they just buy a new home to continue with their charity. We love you, Paul and Laurie!

While I am on the subject, let me tell you some things about Paul and Laurie's new home here in Thailand. One of the great things about it is that all the people who work here salute when you walk in the door. This is a good tradition that has been lost even in Nashville and it is great to know that it is still being followed in Bangkok. Besides Nicole at All Seasons Spa down the road, the security guards here are Laurie's best friends in the neighbourhood.

We came back and puttered around for the afternoon, finishing the leftovers from last night and relaxing. As you can see, the flat is simply divine. Laurie has maybe overdone it on the orchids though, it looks like someone's getting married in here! Oh, and she needs to close her eyes and click her heels and find a beautiful Thai woman to do her ironing for free. But other than that, it's great! We ate dinner at Baan Klang Nam 1, at 288 Soi 14 Rama III Rd., another riverside restaurant, this time specialising in fish dishes, and located to the south of the city on the Bangkok side. Again, a good popular place with Thais and the food is great. Got back and tested out the home entertainment centre at the flat with an early Mike Leigh film.

Day Two: 15 February

2008-02-15T22:00:00.007+07:00

Our main aim was to get to the flower market to buy orchids today for the flat, and Laurie wanted to get back for 3pm to meet Paul, who was flying in from Ethiopia, where he has been taking a well earned break travelling without food or water or a place to sleep for a week to visit local tribespeople who carry machine guns. The fact that this is constitutes a 'rest' for Paul gives you a good idea of how stressful his day job is!

We set out by boat (by the way, don’t get the 120 baht tourist day pass, it is a rip-off; pay as you go instead) to pier no.5 at Memorial Bridge and then took a taxi to Wat Suthat, entering via a small gate on Th. Ti Thong (main gate is on Th. Bamrung Muang). This meant that we were able to go to progressively bigger temples in the complex.

At the final and most important Bot (temple), there was chanting, which was wonderful to be able to sit in the middle of. The statues in the grounds of Wat Suthat are Chinese, because they were reputedly used as ballast on trading boats. This is what all the guide books tell you but it is rubbish and don't believe it. Here is what really happened: someone imported the statues and they were heavy enough that the boats didn't need to be ballasted. As an afterthought, the entrepreneurial importer may well have filled the boats with rice or another cargo on top to maximise profits. But even at the height of Chinese civilisation, they didn't go around carving statues to use for boat ballast! But it makes a good story.

Look for the statues of European soldiers. A lot of these temples, all dating to around the same period in the nineteenth century, use images of armed European soldiers. This makes sense because if you want to protect your temple, then you are going to scare the evil spirits with the smelliest, most violent and horrible creatures you can imagine. Clearly, these must be Portuguese soldiers, because the English soldiers were all drinking gin in the Oriental Hotel.

We exited via Th. Bamrung Muang, turning left and left again along temple wall, then crossed Th. Ti Thong and walked down Th. Ratchabophit, crossing Th. Fuang Nakhon to the entrance of Wat Ratchabophit.

This temple has beautiful mosaic decoration, and the interior of the Bot (open for chanting in the middle of the day, but you can ask a monk to open it if it is closed) is Thai crossed with gothic because Rama V had just been to Europe and loved cathedral architecture and got a bit carried away. Outside, the wat has a circular cloister, which is unusual, and a 140 foot tall chedi (spire) at the centre. Note the Portuguese soldiers carved on the gates.

Leaving the Wat, we walked southwards down Th. Fuang Nakhon, stopping at Johnny’s Gems, which is on the other side of the street a few blocks down. Johnny got rich off of US GI's on r&r during the Vietnamese War. It is always such a relief for me to find something positive to say about poor General Westmoreland, God rest his soul. Anyway, our assistant, whose informal name was Pillow, offered a good deal on older rings left over from that time, and as I don't have any moral scruples at all, I did not hesitate to make a purchase. Yippee!

We then continued down Th. Fuang Nackhon until we hit the flower market. Laurie bought as many cut orchids of different varieties as she could carry for about $6, and then we hailed her a taxi heading south over memorial bridge so that she could go back and meet Paul.

I turned back and headed deep into the flower and vegetable market at Pak Khlong Talat. Like all big produce markets, it is worth lingering there for a long time. The best time to go is supposedly at the crack of dawn but let's face it, that is not going to happen, and it is just fine in the middle of the day, when most of the traders are kicking back and watching their favourite soap opera on the small tvs set up at most stalls.

I came out of the market, crossed the Khlong and walked up Th. Sanam Chai to Wat Pho. One of Bangkok’s major tourist sites, it is famous for its reclining Buddha and massage school. Yikes, there are also throngs of tourists there.

By this time I was hot, tired, and hungry, so I didn’t linger but walked to Tha Thien pier (no.8) and took the express boat to pier 13. Th. Phra Athit there has a number of good shops and places to eat, and I stopped at a family bakers called Saffron, which prides itself on Thai versions of American desserts like blueberry pie and brownies. You can also get noodles. Noodles and blueberry pie, now there's a combination I hadn't thought of before! I bought half a dozen croissants for Laurie and Paul (okay, for me too).

I then walked back across the street and up a ways to Phra Sumen Fort, part of the original defensive boundary wall for the city. It is now surrounded by a quiet park on the river, a good place to relax and watch boys like my son Bobby on their gap year who think that they are the coolest guys in the world because they can juggle in a park in Bangkok. Sadly, they mostly resemble Portuguese soldiers but without the weapons.

Back to pier 13, I took the boat back to pier no.8. I have to say that health and safety on the river is vastly different here to the Thames. The guy in this picture is painting a bridge while standing on a plank of wood in the middle of the river. The Port of London Authority Harbourmaster would have a stroke!

I caught the ferry crossing to see Wat Arun, the famous Bangkok temple which originally housed the Emerald Buddha. The ceramic decoration on the wat was pieced together from bits of broken china:

After that I went back to the flat by boat. Paul had just about woken up by then, and we caught up on his news. Paul is really excited because while he was in southern Ethiopia he secured an important new client and his law firm will be now be opening a branch office there. That Paul! It took Laurie a few minutes to adjust to this news, but she seemed ok about it once she saw some of the lovely things that you can get in the markets there (which were mixed in with strange insects in Paul's duffel bag). No need to worry folks. Those Ethiopians are smart enough to carry weapons when they meet with a lawyer. To cheer Laurie up we went out to eat at the ‘Dairy Queen,’ not the ice cream store, but a big rambling riverside restaurant which is a bit bizarre in a very Thai way, with a lot of big parties and families eating there. The food was excellent, and we brought the leftovers home for breakfast, Paul Dreamer style.

Day One: Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T22:00:00.005+07:00

I knew that the spontaneous decision to come to Bangkok with my cousin Laurie Dreamer had been a good one by the time we landed. In my experience, bowing to passengers and handing out orchids is just not standard on transatlantic flights in economy class [note: check whether Thai Airways flies to Charlotte]. We arrived very early in the morning and were at the flat by seven, early enought to see the sun rise over the Chao Phraya river from the balcony, on the 27th floor. The view is astonishing, and you would have a pretty good time just sitting on the Dreamer lounge chairs, drinking gin and watching the boats go by.

Laurie was concerned that the flat would be in a state, but it was fine, just really dusty. Besides it didn't matter because she explained that in Thailand all you have to do is close your eyes and click your heels, and before too long beautiful women appear to mop the floors, virtually for free. I love this country! So instead of cleaning, we took naps until 10.30 and then ventured out, walking along the road and through the charming local park with its quaint yard art and stray dogs that made me feel like I was back home in Tennessee. All the local taxi drivers hang out there playing volleyball and lifting weights, adding to its informal and relaxed ambience. As you near the river the path is lined with people cooking for weary commuters at the end of the day. Mmmm... fried bugs for dinner, an excellent low carb alternative to chicken! Laurie says that she doesn't buy street food because she thinks it is dirty but that if Paul goes out and brings it home, she is okay about it because it seems cleaner that way. This technique has the added advantage that Paul has to go out to get dinner while she sits on that balcony. Way to go, Laurie!

The ferry goes straight to the main tourist dock and Skytrain connection at Taksin Bridge. We changed boats and went to the terrace of the historic Oriental Hotel for a lunch of crab and papaya remoulade salad and fresh springrolls on the terrace, where we met her friend, the manager, Khun Ice, who is the Guinness Book of World Records holder for Campest Hospitality Industry Worker. He was simply delighted to see Laurie again but couldn't stay because he had to go rearrange the soft furnishings in the lobby (again, sigh). We then took the Skytrain to the Central World department store to find adaptor plugs for my laptop and hairdryer and binoculars for the balcony, my flat-warming present. Starbucks was on the top floor of the store, so we had to have black tea latte and cappuccino. Then we stopped off for grocery supplies at the Tops supermarket beneath Robinson’s department store, where I bought weird fruit including rose apples, that are delicious. The fruit is so strange in Thailand that Laurie has set aside almost an entire shelf in the family room for fruit identification books.

On the walk back to the flat from the ferry we stopped at All Season Nails Hand and Foot Spa, which is run by Nicole, Laurie’s best friend in Bangkok so far. Nicole lived in New York for ten years working at Dusnee New Age Beauty (‘an oasis in the heart of Manhattan’). According to the website, Heidi Klun is a regular there. Nicole is back in Bangkok now, trying to establish an oasis in the heart of Thonburi, which isn’t much of a challenge to be honest, although attracting enough customers to keep All Season Nails going might be a taller order. Another problem is that none of the women working for Nicole seem to be very experienced. But on the basis that you always want to help out your friends, Laurie and I both had one hour foot massages there, after which I had trouble walking back to the flat. But we really love Nicole anyway! And she has opened a café which has great lychee tea and homemade cookies! Laurie and I are convinced that Heidi is going to put this place on the map when she is next in Bangkok. But meanwhile, do drop by when you are in town, while it is still possible to get a same-day appointment (Th.Charoen Nakorn at Soi 21, tel.0-2437-4693).

We hobbled back to the flat and got the internet working, and checked out the neighbours with binoculars, while the two beautiful maids dusted and cleaned for a couple of hours, and then went to S&P for dinner, which is like Shoney's or Denny's except that every dish has chile instead of hydrogenated vegetable oil as the main ingredient. So, filled up with green chicken curry, rice, and really hot green papaya salad, we strolled over to the Marriott Resort and Spa Hotel, where Laurie pretends to be a guest and asks the concierge questions when she can't figure out what is going on. It has a beautiful, lush pool area and would be a great place to come to stay, unless you are a snob and want to stay at the Oriental instead.